The Advice from My Parent Which Helped Me when I became a New Father

"I believe I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You require support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader failure to communicate between men, who continue to absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a break - taking a few days abroad, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."